


Color Blood

by Sun_bright



Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen, How Do I Tag, POV Second Person, Suicidal Thoughts, Symbolism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:33:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28370202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sun_bright/pseuds/Sun_bright
Summary: Nothing feels right because nothing is and colors bleed till all you see is grey.(Sorry I'm bad at summarizing, please give it a shot)
Kudos: 1





	Color Blood

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy it! Not beta read.

Why are the skies blue when to you they seem grey? Color seems to bleed out of everything, so is it real? It exists but not in the way, that people have said. Red isn’t strong, it's sad. No courage, no chivalry, no love. It feels sad, like the blood that souls are drowning on, like stained eyes that haven’t closed for surreal amounts of time. Why does no one see as you see them? Why is yellow happy when it fills you with wrath? Blue isn’t sad, it’s fearless. Green isn’t earthy it’s alien. Orange isn’t like fire it’s like a vomit of color that hurts your eyes. Some days it feels as if you’re blinded and tainted by the color you could see, sometimes as soon as, a minute before.

When you see the colors they’re bright. You’re filled with a want to learn and give what you learned out into the world. You feel a need to be productive but you know that this is a veil. Toxic positivity, a false high. The cloud of darkness hangs like a storm cloud that seems to build with rain so when it starts to pour, it rains hard. It rains like buckets of water and negativity starts to pour out of the sky and even a second spent outside will have you drenched. Umbrellas won’t help they’ll just attract lighting and intrusive thoughts, that will have you feeling worse than just the rain.

Then it starts to stop. It gives way to the bright sun that drys you to the core it’s almost as if the rain wasn’t there. But it was and you know that it was. You can’t help but fear the rain that is sure to return, but you put a smile on your face and relish in the feel of the sun on your skin. The cycle continues and you know this and it makes you uneasy. But what will you do? The colors hurt and the grey numbs.

Fix it, you know how to don’t you? You have so much potential. Maybe you’re just different and can’t fit in? But you’ll push those thoughts away and enjoy the sun. But why is the sky now grey?

Why have hope when all seems lost? The more you think the bleaker the landscape looks. Your negative thoughts feed at the hope and joy you once held onto. It eats away until there’s nothing left to eat but you. Those final moments before you drown yourself in your own tears are the most, calm and most nerve-wracking moments that you have ever felt.

You felt calm. No more emotional rollercoasters and sick. No pain, no hurt. You felt nerve-wracked. What if it’s just more pain to come? What if it eats you slowly chewing slowly as if to savor the flavor of your screams. Tear filled screams that you could have sworn that you almost heard. Then you realize you’re the one screaming, you’re the monster that you grew to hate. It’s all you.

The numbness blooms into joy. Joy so strong that your face morphs into an ear-splitting grin. Something you haven’t done in a long time, it feels wonderful, powerful, and you feel happy. Your view changes just you and you. But you’re not alone you look around and see those that you can truly trust. They trust you, they’re proud of you, they love you. And your contempt. The pure ease and comfort that’s all around chokes the other you. Except it’s not you, it’s just a disgusting illusion. You were never terrible. If someone had been there and listened or if you had spoken this may have been avoided.

You stop and breathe. It feels like the eight tons of pressure has been removed from your chest and you breathe and breathe and breathe. It feels wonderful and you know that you may be sad later on, but you hope that you will never feel this terrible again. Little by little the color seeps into the mindscape you made.

The colors don’t hurt. They feel great and you have people to enjoy life with. You cry and not in fear, not in grief, but in pure joy. You’ve improved and most importantly, you’re proud of yourself. Time flows as it should. Everything seems like a dream but it’s not you feel so much better. You’ve improved by leaps and bounds.

You’re always enough. You are important.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if this was disappointing.


End file.
